CAMPING OUT

My Uncle Brian, whom Mum never cared for,

Would come up to see us, each once in a while,

And we’d sit and listen for hours as he told us

Of things that he’d done long ago, when a child.

Like camping out, for instance.

You’ll need a good penknife and three yards of string.

Some pegs and some canvas, a tent is the thing.

A sturdy tin-opener, never forget

You can’t light a fire if your matches are wet.

Keep socks on at night and you’ll never catch flu.

Don’t camp near an ant hill whatever you do.

Take plenty of water and plenty of beans,

You can always scrounge milk by all manner of means.

Elastoplast dressings, you’ll need quite a lot,

And your trunks and a lilo in case it gets hot.

Never leave litter all lying about

And you’ll do the job proper when you’re camping out.

I began to understand why Mum never cared for Uncle Brian.